The teaching dreams. They haunt me. In them I have no control, no power. Students laugh at me, ignore me, and challenge me. There is a cacophonous symphony on every side. Chaotic chords in the minor key. My heart pounds in my chest. My face is … [Read more]
Where imagination met reality in my birth
The story of my son’s birth was mysteriously erased from my computer. Centimeters of dilation lost, timeline lost, contraction history lost, direct quotes from my doctor lost. The medical story, the story of facts and numbers, vanished. At first I … [Read more]
Why I have eaten alone with men who are not my husband
As a married woman, I have eaten alone with male friends many times. I have exchanged emails containing personal writings about my life and past. I have gone on long walks with a male friend. I have drunk beer alone in an apartment with one. I have … [Read more]
The wrong things they tell you after your c-section
I steadily researched and prepared for a natural birth. I could imagine the mountaintop feeling of pushing my baby out with more strength than I had ever found in life before. That sense of accomplishment would crest into the euphoric moment when the … [Read more]
Rape is a hard word to claim
When the world around me is quiet and I am alone, this is where my words begin. I get tired of telling the same stories about myself over and over. After awhile, you can feel like you’re reading a script about a person who is no longer you--someone … [Read more]
A perfectionist’s Lenten journey of radical self-care
“You are my beloved, with whom I am well pleased.” I imagine God telling me these words. And I enter the wilderness. Two things happened the day I realized I did not love myself. I sat tall in my vessel in yoga class, motivational words pouring … [Read more]
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